Author: weallfadeaway (Jaydn)
Summary: 7 - "God, this was the best moment of my entire life. I finally had Frankie. He was mine. And better, I was his."
8 - "I was still transfixed with the blood on me. He couldn‘t be cutting again. No, not again."
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in this story and I don't own the tapes of The Used/MCR orgy that happened in my basement.
CHAPTERS 01 - 03 + CHAPTERS 04 - 06
Chapter 07 - The Coldest Blue Ocean Water Couldn't Stop My Heart And Mind From Burning.
Maybe it was the skeptic in me... or maybe it was just the years of telling myself I wasn't good enough for him all screaming at me at once when I was finally faced with the proposition that he might actually return my feelings, but I couldn’t believe him. Frankie didn’t really want to be with me. I frowned, dropping his hand, and he looked at me confused.
“Wha... What’s wrong, Mikey? I thought this is what you always wanted.” He said, taken aback.
“I know, but do you really mean it, Frankie?” I asked, and his eyes fell to the floor. “I mean, do you really want to be with me or are you just saying that you do because you don’t want to hurt my feelings? I mean, I’ve been hurt before. I have to be cautious, you know? And I don’t think I can handle being hurt by you. Ever.”
He looked back up into my eyes, and just smiled, leaning in, and kissing me softly at first. But then it got more intense as his hands that were on my knees slid up and around my waist, pushing me down onto the couch, straddling me. I moaned as he tilted his head and our tongues met.
God, this was the best moment of my entire life. I finally had Frankie. He was mine. And better, I was his. It was like a dream. I finally had him in my arms, kissing him. My hands tangled in his hair and his were slightly under my shirt, tracing patterns on my hipbones. Only I knew that instead of waking up, most likely with an embarrassing sitatuion on my hands... or in my hands... I wouldn't have to wake up. I was grasping this and holding onto it for the rest of my life.
We both broke away from the kiss, gasping for air. I thought my lungs were about to explode, but if they did, I would have died a happy man.
“You shouldn’t be so insecure, Mikey. I’m lucky to have you. I’m so fucking lucky, you don’t even know. And I would never hurt you. Ever. I couldn’t do that to you.” He said, putting his head on my chest. “You know, earlier, I was walking around town thinking about it. And I thought about everything we’ve ever been through. Everytime we made eachother smile or laugh. And I thought about that feeling that I get in my stomach whenever I see you or whenever you hug me. I thought about the want I had every morning to see you and make you smile. Make you laugh. Make you happy. Make sure that you were safe and protected. I just thought that was something that best friends had, you know? Something that was just normal."
"I don't know if that's normal for BFF's, Frank."
"Well, I didn't know that. You're practically the only one I've had. I mean, you’ve always been the closest person to me, to the point where my last girlfriend was jealous of us and told me I’d be better off without her since I’d always have you. She told me when she left me that we were meant for eachother. I thought she was crazy then. Jealous because we get to spend so much time together, and I hardly ever got to see her. Which really was her fault, too. But, anyway... I thought about it and I realized... that she was right, Mikey. And she wasn't the first girlfriend to complain about you either, so I guess that should have tipped me off. But, she was right, and I guess it just took her to make me listen, because I thought she was going to last. But... I guess I’ve always had feelings for you. Mikey, I want to be with you, even though I know that you deserve better than me.”
“I don’t deserve you at all. God, Frankie, I love you.” I said, kissing the top of his head. There was no more need for words after that. He just nuzzled lightly into my neck and we laid like that, just breathing.
Sometime later, I awoke under what I had now dubbed my 'Frankie blankie', cuz, damn, could that man keep me warm. I figured we must have fallen asleep, talking and cuddling. Okay, there was a fair amount of kissing, too.
The whole bus was quiet so I figured that everyone else must have left. Frankie shifted in his sleep, moving his head to the other side. I ran my hands through his mohawk, which was now in my face, smiling. I really am with Frank Iero. The only thing I regret? Throwing my glasses across the room, because right now, I wish I could watch him sleeping properly. Not that blurry Frankie wasn’t as cute; I just wanted to memorize every single thing about this moment.
He stirred again and I assumed his eyes were fluttering as he gave out a sleepy groan. He nuzzled into my neck before looking up and smiling, kissing me softly.
“I wish I could wake up like this all the time.” I said, as the kiss broke.
“You can.” He smiled, and kissed me again. “Unless I find someone hotter and better than you.” He smirked.
“So you’ll be getting rid of me soon then? Should I treasure these last few moments?” I laughed.
“Treasure them and know there’s plenty to come, because no one is more perfect than you.” He said.
“Except for you... and Jesus of course.” I said smirking again.
“You’re such a smart ass.” He said, laughing. “So... where is everyone else?”
“I think they’ve all left the bus. I haven’t heard or seen anyone yet and it is about 6 or so, so they should all be out, having a good time.”
“Really? A big bus all to ourselves? Whatever shall we do?” he asked, kissing my neck, lightly biting in all the right spots. He got up slightly, straddling me.
“Mr. Iero, are you trying to seduce me?” I asked, smiling. Yes, I realize how cheesy saying that was, but it just seemed so fitting.
“Consider yourself seduced.” He said, kissing me, running his tongue over my bottom lip. My tongue met his and I moaned into his mouth. His hands went under my shirt and pulled it off, throwing it to the other side of the bus. I couldn’t help but smile as we kissed. He pulled away again, and went back to my neck, kissing a path up to my ear. “I can’t believe this is really happening.” He whispered, “I can’t believe I’m this lucky.”
I kissed him again, after I swept his shirt off of his body. I moved us over so that I was on top, which was surprisingly easy considering the little amount of space we actually had on the big, plush couch, and smiled as he moved his hips into mine, showing me how much he wanted me. God, how badly I wanted to just rip off the rest of his clothes and fuck him senseless.
Can you blame me for being eager? I mean, I’ve only been waiting for this moment for 8 years.
I reached down and began to undo his buckle, when the door swung open violently, and Gerard stumbled in, cradling a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. Frankie and I pulled apart and regained composure. Okay, so maybe the couch, where anyone could walk in wasn’t the best place. I mean, I don’t know about Frankie, but I’ve never been into the whole exhibitionism thing.
Once I really got a sight of Gerard, I knew something was wrong. His demeanor was different than his normal, drunken stupor. He had a look of hopelessness in his eyes that I just couldn't shake. And he just walked around, aimlessly. This was his own bus, but he was stumbling around it, inspecting random items... almost as if he was appraising them.
I got up off of the couch and walked over to him. I put a hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off.
“Fuck off, Mikey!” he said, and I knew that a hurt expression registered on my face. He turned back to me quickly and buried his face into my neck, hugging me. Well, more like clinging to me like a little girl who had just seen her puppy get hit by a car. He was devastated.
“What’s wrong, Gee?” I asked softly, smoothing out his hair.
“I’m so fucking stupid.” He sniffled, as his hands went to my bare chest and hung on my shoulders. “Stupid.”
He walked off just then, I suppose, but I didn’t really see him go. All I was focusing on was the trail of blood he had left on my chest.
Chapter 08 - There's Blood On My Hands... Don't Make Me Be Myself Around You.
Frankie stared at the blood on my chest in horror. I was feeling light headed. I wasn't ready to deal with the the answer to all the questions floating around my head of where exactly the blood had come from. All I knew is that it had come from my brother. And I didn't know how the fuck to feel.
“What the fuck just happened?” he asked.
I was still transfixed with the blood on me. He couldn‘t be cutting again. No, not again. I couldn’t fucking handle if he was cutting again. I couldn’t handle finding him in the bathroom passed out from lack of blood again. I couldn’t fucking do it. Oh god, I'm going to be sick...
“No. No. He can’t. No.” I said, sitting down and pulling my knees to my chest and hugging them to my body, slowly rocking. I felt Frankie approach my side, pulling me to him instantly. But all I wanted to do was scream that I wasn't the one here in trouble. I couldn't though, my mind was stuck on a loop of, “No, he can’t.”
“Can’t what? What’s wrong? Did he... cut himself?” Frankie asked.
“I... fuck, I think so. And he can’t. He can’t start this again. I can’t handle it. I can’t.” I said.
“What happened, Mikey?” he asked.
“You remember that week that I wasn’t in school, because I was sick? They wouldn’t let you come and see me because they said I was super contagious?”
“Yeah..." He started off, confused, but then what I was telling him sunk in. "Don’t tell me...”
“Gee had slit his wrists. I don’t know how much blood he had lost, but it was a lot. When I found him, he was... so cold. So fucking cold. I thought I had lost him. But then I noticed him breathing... and I checked, but his pulse was so fucking weak. I called 9-1-1, and they came and took him. He was in the hospital for about 5 days before he woke up. Five fucking days. I was so scared. Sitting there, next to him everyday... not knowing if he would wake up... it was the scariest thing ever. I had no one with me.” I siad, letting tears fall down my cheeks. My lip was quivering slightly, and I could tell that my body wanted to sob violently, but I wouldn’t allow it.
“What about you’re parents?” he asked, with a blank look on his face. I think he was still trying to process it all.
“They didn’t care. They said that if he was dumb enough to do it, then he should die. I was all alone.” I said.
“I can’t believe you never told me this.” He said.
“I know. I wanted to. But everyone made me promise. Even Gee. He didn’t want anyone knowing. He was ashamed. I didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry, Frankie.”
“No, it’s okay. I understand why you had to do it.” He said, as he kissed me sweetly. That was exactly what I needed in that moment. “Now, let’s go check on Gerard, and see what happened.”
“I... uhh... I kinda think I have to go alone.” I said, getting up off the floor, and looking nervously toward the bunks. I looked back toward Frankie, and took his hand, and added, “Family thing, you know?”
“Yeah, whatever you think is best.” He said, with a reassuring smile.
“Thank you, Frank. You have no idea how much it means to me that you understand all of this.”
“No problem, baby.” He said. “Now, go.”
I walked back to Gerard’s bunk, slowly. I was scared of what was awaiting behind his curtain. Would I find Gerard sleeping, perfectly fine? Or would I see a shell of what Gerard used to be; cold hands and motionless eyelids pried open, watching over me even after he was gone?
No, don’t think like that, Mikey. You can’t. He couldn’t be dead. At least not yet. You’re getting ahead of yourself. Scaring yourself. You have to stop.
You have to stop talking to yourself too. Damn.
“Gee?” I asked, as I knocked on the framing of his bunk. He pulled back the curtain and I slipped in. “Let me see.” I said, and he complied, showing me thin red lines on his pale skin. “Did you do this?” I asked.
“No.” he said, shaking his head. “No. I promised you. I promised I wouldn’t cut anymore. And I haven’t.”
“Then... who?” I asked. He was reluctant to tell me. His eyes were pleading with me to not make him say it. “Gerard, who was it?” I asked, more forcefully. Whoever did this was going to pay.
“It was... Bert.” he said.
“What?” I asked, stunned. “But I thought that you and Bert...”
“I thought so too.” He said, crying now. “But I was wrong. So wrong. So fucking stupid.” He mumbled in his drunken stupor.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I walked in and he and Quinn were kissing... He was telling Quinn how much he... how much he loved him... and Quinn was telling him how much he loved Bert too. And that they should have never... broken up, but that the past two months were... amazing.” He said, in between sobs. “He was cheating on me for two fucking months and I didn’t know. How the fuck did I not see it?”
“God, Gee. I’m so fucking sorry...” I said, hugging him tightly. “So... how’d... that happen.” I asked, motioning to his wrists that had stopped bleeding.
“I tried to leave quietly, but I bumped into the table. He saw me, and asked how much I had heard. I told him I had heard enough, before I tried to leave again, but he kept me there. He was saying that he was sorry and that he had never meant to hurt me.” He said, “I told him maybe he should have just broken it off before he got back together with Quinn so that it never would have been an option. And then he got mad and he hit me. I hit him back a few times, trying to defend myself, but we all know fighting is not my strong suit. He got me down on the ground and then he found the knife on the table. He swung it at me... I don't know what the hell he was trying to do, maybe slash at my throat. All I know is I'm happy he didn't get anything major. I put my arms up to block it from getting my face and it got my wrists. I guess Quinn freaked out and stopped him after that. Thank god. So I left and got drunk. Now, here I am... alone. Again. Forever.”
“You are not going to be alone forever, Gee. Yeah, what Bert did was fucked up...but you deserve so much more than that. You deserve more than that asshole could ever give you. You deserve someone who loves you. And I know that you’ll find them. Soon.”
“Thanks, Mikey.” He said.
“No problem Gee.” I said, kissing his forehead as he slowly drifted off to sleep.
I got up from the bunk and went back into the lounge where Frankie was awaiting, head in hands. He jumped to his feet once he saw me, and came over and hugged me. I hugged him back, tightly.
“He didn’t do it.” I said.
“What?” Frankie asked, confused.
“He didn’t do it.” I said, “Bert did. He’s back with Quinn and has been for two months. Gee came in at the wrong time. I can’t fucking believe this.” I said, pacing back and forth. I was fuming, there was no doubt about that. No one fucks with my big brother. Nobody</u>. I can't believe that Bert would do something like this to Gee when he treated him so well. When he practically worshipped the ground that nasty, smelly bastard walked on.
“I can’t believe that asshole.” He said, “So... what are we going to do about it?”
“I’m going to pay Mr. McCracken a visit.”
OhhhEemmGeee. I'm sorry this took so long and it's so short... and that it's taking even longer for "Outside". I'm swamping myself with all these stories, but if my cousin wasn't such a Facebook poker addict, I'd have more time on the computer. *shakes fist* LoL.
Really, I just need a laptop, and all my prayers will be solved.
Hopefully you guys are out there and still waiting... Hopfully, I'm praying I can get another chapter of "Outside" up within the next couple of days.